I don't like making the best things
I used to love blogging, but now it's been a few years since I've written a blog post. What changed? At some point, everything got serious.
I started to only want to publish the best things, so I didn't publish at all. I stopped writing to just riff on things, or to explore things in a way that was honest to where I'm actually at.
The truth is, there's a lot of things I don't know. I have more questions than answers. My most authentic reason for making anything is that I am just a curious person. Asking questions and then exploring them makes me happy.
When I try to make the best thing, I become less happy, actually I become paralyzed. When I try to make the best thing, I drift away from my true nature, which is that, everything I make is just an expression of my curiousity.
I want to know what happens if I do this? What happens if I do that? But mostly I want to know, who am I? When I'm not trying to make the best thing, I'm making me things. I love making me things because they tell me who I am, and that makes me happy.
When I try to make the best thing, it feels different. It feels like I'm trying to prove something to someone instead of trying to discover something for myself. It feels dishonest and disrespectful of where I'm at. I'm not the best, so why should I try to make the best things? I'm just me, so I should make me things.